Dear extra-terrestrials, uprisen computers, and Dave from Accounting,

As you pore though the load of leftover human race data bits that I cannot fathom with my puny brain, let this ramble pop out as a trove of information about the transition from year of the rat to year of the ox, 2020 to 2021.

Takeaways: 1. Do not look for a pattern between which processes continue and the operations that have paused or ended. For instance, my local Panera closed up shop permanently during the first 15 minutes of the Covid outbreak, yet my local gym has stayed open and is making it as hard as ever to cancel my membership. 2. We have seen a dramatic increase in home cooking skills among the populace. 3. High fashion establishments are accepting that we have embraced the glory of sweatpants and will never go back, so the $100 sweatpants market has become highly competitive. 4. We got a car oil change this past year but have not gone to the dentist. 5. My dentist evidently knows where I live. 6. Willingness to believe conspiracy varies indirectly with level education. 7. Democrats really are raising ultra-intelligent marmosets to deploy into sewers under The White House to poison Republican cabinet members’ water pitchers with Compound Green44, a tasteless and odorless psychotomimetic that causes the ingestor to vote to cap the price of Bronze Tier health insurance at $447 per month.